my gorgeous boy

this is the story of my son's entrance to the world. purely for my own rememberance. it was the toughest thing ive ever had to do.

*************probably full of waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much info. you ahve been warned**************

sometime during the last 2 months of pregnancy, my bloodpressure decided to play sillybuggers, and i was in daystay nearly everyweek, having the baby monitered, my bloodpressure monitored, and generally being a layabout.

no-one was sure when the baby was due, since i have highly iregular cycles and the ultrasoud showed different to the edd from lnp, which was in turn different to the fundal height. we knew the baby ought to be born sometim between mid september and mid october, but thats a fair while to be waiting in!when i eventually broke out in PUPPS, i guess the doctors decided close enough was good enough, and thats when the fun began.after slathering myself in calomine, vitamin E and aloe to try and calm the itching enough for me to make it to the hospital for a check up, my hubby and i decided to ask the doctors if it was possible i could be induced sometime soon. they had been going to do it last week, but changed their minds about my due date, and decided to wait one more week, just to make sure the baby was well and truly baked.

once we arrived, lo and behold, they changed their minds back to the orriginal due date, and being now 9 days overdue, decided induction was the way to go, much to my relief. we were bundled over to the maternity ward, and i lay in bed, trying to relax, and listened to the babies n the ther rooms, knowing that soon i would have my own screamin bundle, and eventually the itchy nightmare would be gone.

at around 6pm the midwife came by to insert the gel. i was already 3cm dilated! dont get too exited, she told me, itll take hours yet. ill be by at midnight to check on the baby, and we'll start you on a drip in the morning. oh, and this gel can give you cramp like pains, nothing to worry about. you just try and get some sleep.

so i did. since i was i a single room, hubby was with me on a foldout chair, i think he had more trouble sleeping than i did.

when the midwife came by at midnight to check on the baby, everything seemed to be going well. my bloodpressure was normal, the baby's heartbeat was fine, it was still punching my pelvis regularly, and still trying to kick my lungs out through my throat, so i knew everything was fine, but that pain that was mentioned before was definately starting to kick in. most uncomfortable.

when i was all unhooked i decided to go the the bathroom, and no sooner had i got to the sink from the loo, than i was suddenly standing in a puddle. "honey, i think my waters just broke" and off he runs to get the midwife again. these pains are getting stronger and stronger, but surely contractions sort of come and go? this is just a constant pain.. "dont worry its just the gel your feeling" but the gel tab came out when my waters broke...?

a heatpack on my back helped a little, but the pain just kept on getting worse. after what felt like 15 minutes, but i am advised is more like an hour, hubby went to get some panadien and another heatback. no sooner has he returned than "i think you need to go tell the midwife i FEEL LIKE I NEED TO PUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" poor hubby running back and forth..

the wheelchair ride to the dlivery rooms was uncomfortable. nothing i dd helped the pain. the panadien had never come, there was never, EVER any lessening of the pain or tightness, just one continuous pain, and i could not find a comfortable possition, either in the chair, or in bed once we got to the delivery. once there i did eventually get some panadien. two tablets. they allowed me to concentrate but didnt dull the pain at all.

time seemed to go very quickly from there on. i know i was put on a drip - antibiotics for i dont remember what.. strep b maybe? and i know i saw 3 or 4 people come in and out of the room, but other than the one midwife, i dont know who they were.

the urge to push became stronger and stronger, as did the pain, but i was still not feeling what id been led to assume contractions should feel like - pain getting worse and less worse - just constant pain building and building.

the midwife was holding my legs, ad telling me how well i was doing, and that was fine, but then she told me not to push. dont push? DONT PUSH? im sorry i cant help it! im not doing it on purpose! my body has taken over! HUSBAND SHUT UP! and please dont touch me other than holding my hand or i swear i will hit you. the last thing i wanted was for him to talk to me, but if he hadnt been there i would have been scared out of my pants. (he told me later that he was so nervous and so very badly wanted somehow to help, that he sat there holding my hand whispering something along the lines of "its ok. its ok. just breathe. breathe. breathe. its ok. push. breath. its ok. its ok" in the hopes that somehow it would help me. such a darling.)

eventually, i felt the baby crown.. and then recede again. heavens, how long was this going to take? i wasnt sure i could take much more. my husband was scared by the amount of screaming and groaning going on, and the midwives were making little snip snip motions to each other, oh no.. please dont let them cut me... and then there was enormous pain... and a squeak. a squeak? calm. "is that my baby?" "yes your doing fine, come on one more big push..." and suddenly there was a slimy thing on my stomach with the most beautiful eyes just staring at me, softly sqeaking. what is it? a quick flip up by the midwife, "a boy"

hello aiden.

its 4:02 am
4 hours from waters breaking to perfect baby. and i still dont know what a contraction is 'supposed' to feel like.

my husband tells me cutting the cord feels like cutting raw chicken. and holding a newborn is the second-most scary experience of his life.

the first was watching his wife lie on a hospital bed, the sheet bloadsoaked from hips down and dripping, bloody fotsteps all around the room, and more blood all over the midwives clothes. i lost 1.5L of blood. well.. thats how much they managed to catch and measure. i needed 2 bags of plastic blood, and 2 heated blankets just to stop my teeth chattering. i dont know what degree tears i had, but it went up inside and all the way around. i needed two shots of anasthetic just to be stitched up, and still felt 4 stitches clear as day because they were.. um.. too near a sensitive area for the anasthetic to do any good. that hurt. i counted at least 30 stitches, but i was a little out of it at the time. i didnt get to leave the delivery rom till about 10 in the morning, and i couldnt get out of bed for the rest of the day. aparantly i was so pale i looked dead.

but when i held my baby, and he stared at me with those enormous deep dark eyes.. i would do it all again in an instant.

i did a lot of praying that morning. it sounded like this: "pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease oooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww pleasepleasePLEASEpleasepleaseplease" but since both my son and i ended up fine, i am confident God heard me, and this soft cuddly baby is proof my prayers were answered.