tired /= fun

im one of those people who needs ridiculously large amounts of sleep in order to function normally. i know all the scientists say we need 8 hours a night. well. thats an average. some people need more, some people need less. sometimes, people might need more one day that another.

me, im in the more category. significantly more.

i can function on 8 hours, if by function you mean "remember to eat, feed the child, use the bathroom, and otherwise sit in a corner all day trying to stay awake" but id really rather not.

generally, i wake up at about 5:30, when hubby gets up to go to work. then i doze until he kisses me goodbye at about 6:15, and i go back to sleep until either my kid or my alarm wakes me up at 7. or, if hes sick, 9ish. so. get up at 7, that means i could stay up till 11pm if i was an 8 hour person. actually, im usually falling asleep by 9:30, and i sometimes have a nap in the afternoon, too. id say i usually get about 9-10 hours of sleep, and sometimes, its not enough.

like now.

apparently, when im pregnant, all my energy goes into growing the baby. and trying to ignore the nausea. ive been sorely neglecting the housework cause i just feel awful all the time, so ive really not been doing much other than sitting and playing with the kid, and im still tired ALL. THE. TIME. ive been trying to convince the boy to have a nap in the afternoons, not necessarily because he needs one, although he usually REALLY REALLY does, but because I need one, and the only time its quiet enough is when hes asleep.

i feel myself falling asleep on the couch in the evenings after we've eaten dinner and we're watching a little bit of TV to unwind before kidlets bath-time. and then i fall asleep AGAIN after his bath in the middle of my favourite shows. i doze at lunch time while i wait for him to eat. i usually get a good nap then, cause it can take him up to an hour to eat a sandwich. i havent even been waking up when hubby gets out of bed in the morning, and am only vaguely aware of him leaving. im awake enough to ask what he'd like for dinner, but its a struggle to remember.

and the prenatal vitamins arent helping either. they make me feel SICK. on the occasional days when i forget to take them, i feel SO much better. so much less nausea. its crazy.

ive just hung out a load of wash, and am waiting for the second to finish so i can hang it out too. and im exhausted. i feel like ive run a a marathon, instead of stood outside for 10 minutes. and itll be worse with the second lot - the first load was all jeans and sweaters, so there wasnt much in it, but this next load is full of socks and underwear and four year old's clothes. ill be out there for ages.

and its still at least 3 hours before i can have a nap.

sometimes i want to scream

3 in one day? wow. blogarama today indeed.


anyway, i feel like screaming. im really not sure how to deal with critterbug at the moment.

the fact that im tired and hormonal isnt helping any either.

but why is he so totally incapably of doing ANYTHING he is told? is it just part and parcel of being nearly 4? wow... my baby is nearly 4....

umm.. back to the point...


i am sick and tired of hearing 'why?' every time i ask him to do something. maybe it wouldnt be so annoying if he didnt always use his absolutely MOST whiney voice EVER everytime he asked.

• its time to get your table out so we can have lunch now. "why?" um, because youve been begging for food for the last 4 hours since you ate?
• please shut the door when you come inside, because its cold out there, and i dont want the house to get cold. "why?" because i dont like the house to be cold, and youve been complaining of being cold for the last week!
• please stay out of the kitchen when im cooking because its very hot and youre allergic to chicken and i dont what you to get hurt. "why?" do you WANT to gt hurt?????
• if you climb onto the kitchen counter again, you will get a smack. "why?" because you KNOW you are not allowed up there, because we tell you every day, because it is dangerous and it is not allowed!
• if you torment the cat, he will scratch you, so leave him alone. "why?" because i just said he will scratch you!
• please do not jump on my tummy, because it hurts. "why?" does it hurt when someone steps on your foot? "yes" well it hurts when you jump on my tummy, too. "why?" JUST GO AWAY!!
  
• i said i would get you a drink in a minute when you stop screaming at me and i dont have hands full of rubbish. if you shout at me again, you will NOT get a drink and you will be sent to your room. "why?" because i asked you to wait and i dont like it when you scream at me! "why?" UGH!!! go to your room so i can pull my hair out in peace!!
  

i know they want reasons for everything, but he doesnt listen to the reasons. and when he gets in trouble he shouts at me not to smack him and tries to shield his backside. which is understandable. i didnt much like getting smacked as a kid either. but the blatant disobedience is so frustrating. he has been on the kitchen counter 4 times already today and its just gone midday. the last one earned him a smack. not 2 minutes prior, i told him to get down, and he would get a smack next time he was up there. i would understand if it had been a few hours, but 2 minutes??? honestly. he is trying my patience.

he literally asks why to everything. the best example ever: "whats that?" *pointing at a tree* thats a tree sweetheart. "why?"



*****edited to add:*****
wow... im having a really bad day.
anyway.
do you ever think your child might be defective? wonder if god is looking at an extra brain he has sitting around, wondering where it came from, and certain that if you looked inside your childs head you would find absolutely nothing?

i do.

he's having leftover past for lunch. im having leftover chicken. i make one set of sauce for both, and split it between the chicken and pasta cause hes allergic. ANYWAY. i heated it in the microwave, gave it to him at his table, and said "this is hot. make sure you blow in it before you taste it, and if its still too hot, leave it for a litte while and have a drink." hes a smart kid. he understands this perfectly. usually. not today. he eats a spoonful. "hot" and spits it out. then gets another spoonful IMMEDIATELY, eats it, says "hot" and spits it out. i think he needs a new brain....

honestly!!

i know im going to get all sorts of flack for this, and in general i think any form of population control is A Bad Idea and Downright Wrong, but sometimes, i think people should need a licence to have children.

a friend of mine just rang me, on the verge of having a fit, and told me she felt sick. the reason? she was sitting outside a cafe having a cup of coffee and reading a book, and a woman sat down with her two kids. one about 5 or 6, the other a baby. now i dont know if 'baby' means newborn or anything up to about 16months, but either way, this is just wrong. she was holding the baby, and smoking. a cigarette. while holding a baby. she had a baby in one hand, and a lit cigarette in the other.now, pushing a stoller with a baby in it and standing as far back as possible while smoking is bad enough, but HOLDING THE BABY AND SMOKING AT THE SAME TIME????????

some poeple deserve to be smacked.

excuse me while i ramble on the differences

we found out a couple weeks ago that im pregnant again. (YAY! and also SCARED-OUT-OF-MY-PANTS!) the baby is due in february. valentines day actually.

yes yes, those dates dont add up. why did we only find out a couple weeks ago when that makes me 10 weeks pregnant? did you really want me to go into details of my highly erratic cycle? i didnt think so. lets just say i had been ill and on antibiotics, and thought the ill feelings i was having were just me not being quite better yet. and since, as stated, i have highly erratic cycles, i hadnt quite realised how long it had been. then one morning everything kinda clicked and i rang hubby to say i should probably do a pregnancy test. apparently he'd been thinking the same thing for a while but hadnt thought to tell me. gee, thanks.


the pregnancy seems to be progressing slightly differently than last time, although, since it was 4 years ago, i cant be absolutely certain. im sure im mis-remembering some things.

some things are the same. the first symptom, other than lack of period which i obviously cant count, was that everything started smelling weird. some things smell stronger than usual, some weaker, some different, some just plain WRONG. like my husband's grape juice, which instead of smelling like candy, smelled like someone had poured some hideous cleaning chemicals into a vat of apple juice and left it to ferment in the sun for a few weeks. i thought i was going insane for a few minutes when i was the only person who could smell this hideousness... then i smelled what i thought was his cola, and realised it was just my insane pregnant nose.

theres also the coughing. for some reason i seem to cough a lot when im pregnant, and unless im very careful, every time i cough, i gag. its not fun.

and then theres food. something that makes me want to run to the bathroom holding my mouth one day is the most delicious thing under the sun the next... and then two days later im running away again at the sight of it, let alone the smell. not to mention ive gone off sugar. how annoying is that? i have the perfect excuse to eat whatever i want - "i ate a whole block of chocolate? by myself? um... cravings!!" - and i just dont want it!! i KNOW this is a good thing, as its better for both the baby and me, but its annoying. perfect opportunity to ignore my diet and eat a little chocolate now and then and it JUST DOESNT TASTE GOOD.

at least i havent actually thrown up yet. im a little surprised since with the critter i was running to the bathroom at least 4 times a day. usually in the middle of the night, or 25.6 seconds after id eaten something. maybe its an indication this one will be a girl?



i still havent reached the insanely happy stage, despite wanting this baby so badly it hurt. its just such a surprise. hubby was so concerned for me that he didnt know if he would ever want another child - because of what it might do to me, both physically and mentally. i had a toughish pregnancy with critter, with flip-flopping bloodpressure, being in and out of hospital every week for the last 2-3 months, and then getting PUPPS - a rash which is caused by being pregnant, and which only cure is having the baby. then i hemorrhaged giving birth to him, he didnt want to feed from me or even have me hold him to feed him a bottle, and i was on antidepressants for over a year with post natal depression. and this time, my mum isnt living with us, and hubby has a job so he wont be home with me 24/7.

so since critter was born nearly 4 years ago, ive been on the pill pretty much non stop (except for a couple times when i couldnt get to the doctor in time to renew my script), much as i hated it, and despite never feeling good on it. a few months ago i decided i couldnt handle it any more and if hubby didnt want more children he would have to come up with something non-hormonal to stop them. evidently, that didnt work too well. we seem to be one of those insanely fertile couples, since weve had 3 accidents.

i never wanted my children to have this much of an age gap, though i suppose it might be better. hes at an age where he'll be able to help a little, but not old enough that he'll be so used to being the centre of attention that he freaks out entirely.


we had a dating ultrasound last week, since the doctor wanted to be sure of jsut how far along i was. its so tiny. the first time we saw critter was at 18wks, and he was A BABY. or rather, some wierd alien creature that was vaguely baby shaped. this one was just a little white shape in a big black circle, with a tiny flicker in the middle of the white. so very very different.


and i still cant quite believe its real.