excuse me while i ramble on the differences

we found out a couple weeks ago that im pregnant again. (YAY! and also SCARED-OUT-OF-MY-PANTS!) the baby is due in february. valentines day actually.

yes yes, those dates dont add up. why did we only find out a couple weeks ago when that makes me 10 weeks pregnant? did you really want me to go into details of my highly erratic cycle? i didnt think so. lets just say i had been ill and on antibiotics, and thought the ill feelings i was having were just me not being quite better yet. and since, as stated, i have highly erratic cycles, i hadnt quite realised how long it had been. then one morning everything kinda clicked and i rang hubby to say i should probably do a pregnancy test. apparently he'd been thinking the same thing for a while but hadnt thought to tell me. gee, thanks.


the pregnancy seems to be progressing slightly differently than last time, although, since it was 4 years ago, i cant be absolutely certain. im sure im mis-remembering some things.

some things are the same. the first symptom, other than lack of period which i obviously cant count, was that everything started smelling weird. some things smell stronger than usual, some weaker, some different, some just plain WRONG. like my husband's grape juice, which instead of smelling like candy, smelled like someone had poured some hideous cleaning chemicals into a vat of apple juice and left it to ferment in the sun for a few weeks. i thought i was going insane for a few minutes when i was the only person who could smell this hideousness... then i smelled what i thought was his cola, and realised it was just my insane pregnant nose.

theres also the coughing. for some reason i seem to cough a lot when im pregnant, and unless im very careful, every time i cough, i gag. its not fun.

and then theres food. something that makes me want to run to the bathroom holding my mouth one day is the most delicious thing under the sun the next... and then two days later im running away again at the sight of it, let alone the smell. not to mention ive gone off sugar. how annoying is that? i have the perfect excuse to eat whatever i want - "i ate a whole block of chocolate? by myself? um... cravings!!" - and i just dont want it!! i KNOW this is a good thing, as its better for both the baby and me, but its annoying. perfect opportunity to ignore my diet and eat a little chocolate now and then and it JUST DOESNT TASTE GOOD.

at least i havent actually thrown up yet. im a little surprised since with the critter i was running to the bathroom at least 4 times a day. usually in the middle of the night, or 25.6 seconds after id eaten something. maybe its an indication this one will be a girl?



i still havent reached the insanely happy stage, despite wanting this baby so badly it hurt. its just such a surprise. hubby was so concerned for me that he didnt know if he would ever want another child - because of what it might do to me, both physically and mentally. i had a toughish pregnancy with critter, with flip-flopping bloodpressure, being in and out of hospital every week for the last 2-3 months, and then getting PUPPS - a rash which is caused by being pregnant, and which only cure is having the baby. then i hemorrhaged giving birth to him, he didnt want to feed from me or even have me hold him to feed him a bottle, and i was on antidepressants for over a year with post natal depression. and this time, my mum isnt living with us, and hubby has a job so he wont be home with me 24/7.

so since critter was born nearly 4 years ago, ive been on the pill pretty much non stop (except for a couple times when i couldnt get to the doctor in time to renew my script), much as i hated it, and despite never feeling good on it. a few months ago i decided i couldnt handle it any more and if hubby didnt want more children he would have to come up with something non-hormonal to stop them. evidently, that didnt work too well. we seem to be one of those insanely fertile couples, since weve had 3 accidents.

i never wanted my children to have this much of an age gap, though i suppose it might be better. hes at an age where he'll be able to help a little, but not old enough that he'll be so used to being the centre of attention that he freaks out entirely.


we had a dating ultrasound last week, since the doctor wanted to be sure of jsut how far along i was. its so tiny. the first time we saw critter was at 18wks, and he was A BABY. or rather, some wierd alien creature that was vaguely baby shaped. this one was just a little white shape in a big black circle, with a tiny flicker in the middle of the white. so very very different.


and i still cant quite believe its real.