Monday, 30 July 2007

so so tired

for some reason, my son decided to wake up at least 6 times last night. hubby and i watched a movie after the critter was in bed (much MUCH later than usual.. the whole day gets messed up time-wise when people come over), and lights were out by 11pm. im not sure of the exact time, but i know it was before 11.

by 12, i had already got up to my son. by 3am, id been up 3 times. when he woke up at around 7 this morning yelling for no aparant reason, i had already been up to him 6 times. possibly more. im not very good at waking up during the night, adn its entirely possible i missed some.

in theory, i had 8 hour of bed-time last night. but i didnt ahve 8 hours of sleep. it took 15-30 min to get back to sleep after each re-settling. my guess would be about 6 hours. 6 hours of frequently interrupted sleep. honestly i would rather have 4 hours straight, than 6 hours interrupted. its just not refreshing. especially since i seem to need a lot of sleep.

some people need more than others. im one who needs more. 8-10 is good. less and im a zombie. i think today im going to end up being very short with my son. hes tired and cranky, IM tired and cranky, and its cold. so so cold. and as well as needing a lot of sleep, i dont function well in the cold. luckily my husband is a giant hot water bottle :)

*sigh*

and i had planned on making cookies today. well, theres enough for one more luch for hubby, i'll make them tomorrow when im less likely to burn them to a cinder, or forget an essesntial ingredient. like flour. those didnt turn out very well.

Saturday, 28 July 2007

clothing

i wore my jeans again today, for the first time in a couple weeks. i bought the skirt at T and have been wearing it basically nonstop since, because it is just so comfy. even in the cold, inside the house its fine. i can tuck my legs up under it, and the heat stays in and keeps me warm. today i had to wash my skirt. and my black one is simply too dressy. so back to jeans it was. i had forgotten what a bother it is trying to keep them up in the back after sitting down. i wish some more stores would have a sale and i could get some more skirts cheapish.. there were some lovely ones in j-e the other day.. but simply too expensive. grargh.

Friday, 27 July 2007

because i just filled out my profile, and it got me thinking

why do so many people have a problem with the fact that i live with my mother?


my husband and i got married june 19th, 2004. we flew to australia the following week. all our money was spent buying plane tickets, shipping our possesions to australia, making sure our rent was paid. (as far as i remember. being 6 months pregnant at the time, and trying to organise a wedding, and move to another country, while still working 2-3 days a week, things are a little blurry. it might have gone elsewhere too)

as a result, when we got to australia, we had a grand total of about 300 dollars. or was that 3000? i dont remember. it wasnt a great deal, at any rate. my husband was on a tourist visa when we got here, so he couldnt work. and the likely-hood of anyone hiring a 6months pregnant woman in a job that would actually pay rent for us, for only 2 months, well it wasnt going to happen. (good thing too as it turns out, what with the high blood pressure and whatnot. i would ahve had to quit within a month anyway)

my mother had never moved anything out of, or into my room, it was exactly how i left it, when i moved to the states 20months prior, so it made sense for us to just move in with her, and she was looking forward to having a grandbaby around.

once hubby got visa stuff organised, and got a job, we decided we would try and save as much as possible, and find somewhere to rent. somehow, we never managed to get it all organised though.

we pay rent to my mother, and she LOVES having us here. i cook most days, hubby often does the washing up, and theres a little boy who jsut adores his grandma, and wants to sit on her lap at every available moment. my sister has moved out, and if we left too, mum would be all alone. one woman past her 50s, in a 3-4 bedroom house, all alone except for a nearly blind, 11yr old cat the size of a small-medium dog. i dont know about you, but i would be lonely.

so what is the problem? we have somewhere to live, and a built in babysitter if we want to go out. mum has company, a baby to play with, and someone else to do the cooking. why does everyone keep telling us how wrong it is to live here?

it is only in our modern western society, that living with the older generation is so frowned upon. children are expected to move out as soon as they are able to support themselves, adn when their parents are no longer able to live alone, WHOOSH! off to a nursing home! i admit freely that i would LOVE to be in a place of my own, just me, my husband, and my son, but finacially, this is not viable, and it would leave my mother all alone. once my husband and i start renting, we will be unable to save to buy our own place, and the income my husband earns currently, would allow us to buy a one bedroom apartment thats falling apart, and we might not be able to eat. wither that or move to woop woop and be so isolated from friends and family that i go insane, and hubby takes forever to get to and from work everyday. and what about my mother? my sisters rent doesnt run out till november. i couldt leave mum in this big house all alone till then.

she is planning on buying a new place for herslef anyway, and letting my family stay here and rent from her. maybe my sister wikll move in with her when her rent is up. but until this happens, whenever it may be, i see no problem with living with my mother, paying her rent, and lessening her household duties. and i dont understand why other people do.

bus incident

so yesterday at about 3pm i was catching a bus home from the shops, and it was very crowded, what with all the school kids, so the critter and i had to stand. i told him to make sure and hang on to me - i gave him a handful of skirt, since he tends to stay hanging on once hes holding something - and i was sort of leaning over so i could hold onto him and he wouldnt get thrown around the bus, while making sure i was still able to hold onto the rails, and therefor not knock over him, or anyone else. then this lovely woman offered me her seat. i initially refused, numerous times, but she just kept on insisting, so i put aiden in the seat, and i stood sort of half infront of it, half in the aisle, making sure he wouldnt get thrown off or anything, since he could not reach the rail infort of him.

then this geriatric old nosybritches who was sitting in the seat next to the one given to us started berating me. "that lady gave the seat to YOU not your child" blah blah blah, and i told her there was no way i was going to sit down and let my 2.5 year old stand up and be thrown all over the bus. an old guy sitting in a seat right near us was trying to stand up and give me his seat but i told him to sit down please sir, i was quite happy to stand here with my son - there was no WAY i was going to take his seat, he was in his 70s or 80s, and had a walking stick, i would have made him stay seated even if i was hugely pregnant, unless i was going into labour right then and there - and she told me how inconsiderate i was, never thinking of anyone but myself, and look how i was distressing everyone else on the bus and i really need to sit down and make my kid stand, and i told her AGAIN that i wasnt going to let him be thrown around the bus while i sit down, at which point she told me i should have though of that before i got on, and caught a later bus, or a taxi.

"well im sorry, but hes far too little to be in a taxi without a carseat"
"well you should ahve brought one with you"
"im not going to carry a carseat around the shps with me all day"
"then you should have brought your car"
"i dont drive"
"then why are you talking about a carseat!!"
"MY HUSBAND DRIVES."
"oh."
she shut up then.

the way she shut up the instant i said 'husband' makes me wonder if she had assumed i was an unmarried mother (the horror) and that was cranky-ing her up too. cause later in the journey, the critter was wiggling a little bit and ended up sitting with his hand in her lap, and when i moved his hand away and told him he needed to keep still and keep his hands in his own lap, she said 'oh its ok' and was smiling at him and stuff. i just dont understand. especially since i was wearing my rings. do i really look that young that people jsut assume it without even checking my finger? i will be 25 in less than a month. does the blond hair make me look like a teenager or something?

anyway..... was i being inconsiderate? usually i sit in the sideways seats with the critter on my lap, so we dont take up too much room, but there was just no space on the bus yesterday. there were so mnay school kids sitting up the back... and theres no way im going to let a toddler be thrown around the bus like a ragdoll, which is what would ahve happened if i sat down. as it was i had to lean over with one hand on his chest to stop him being thrown forward and sideways and all over the place. if he was 5, even if he was 4, considereing how tall he is, i would ahve just flat out refused to take the seat and made sure he hung on to me. but hes really still jsut a baby. he must look older than he is, or maybe its just his height.. but people are always surprised when the find out he wont be 3 till september.

it was drilled into me as a child and teenageer, that you give up your seat to someone who needs it more than you, whether it be an elderly person, a pregnant woman, someone with a disability or injury, a woman with a screaming baby... and i try to do this, although it is tempting not to when you have a small child of your own... and when i was at school, we had very strict rules. no school children were allowed to sit on the bus if there were adults standing up. half the time we werent even allowed on the bus, because the driver decided we should wait for our own special school bus. but the fact that this woman expected me to allow my toddler to stand up and be thrown around... i will not do that. i can hold on to the rails, he cannot. he wont even consistently hold on to my hand.



this has all got me very angry, i apologise for any incoherence.