why do so many people have a problem with the fact that i live with my mother?
my husband and i got married june 19th, 2004. we flew to australia the following week. all our money was spent buying plane tickets, shipping our possesions to australia, making sure our rent was paid. (as far as i remember. being 6 months pregnant at the time, and trying to organise a wedding, and move to another country, while still working 2-3 days a week, things are a little blurry. it might have gone elsewhere too)
as a result, when we got to australia, we had a grand total of about 300 dollars. or was that 3000? i dont remember. it wasnt a great deal, at any rate. my husband was on a tourist visa when we got here, so he couldnt work. and the likely-hood of anyone hiring a 6months pregnant woman in a job that would actually pay rent for us, for only 2 months, well it wasnt going to happen. (good thing too as it turns out, what with the high blood pressure and whatnot. i would ahve had to quit within a month anyway)
my mother had never moved anything out of, or into my room, it was exactly how i left it, when i moved to the states 20months prior, so it made sense for us to just move in with her, and she was looking forward to having a grandbaby around.
once hubby got visa stuff organised, and got a job, we decided we would try and save as much as possible, and find somewhere to rent. somehow, we never managed to get it all organised though.
we pay rent to my mother, and she LOVES having us here. i cook most days, hubby often does the washing up, and theres a little boy who jsut adores his grandma, and wants to sit on her lap at every available moment. my sister has moved out, and if we left too, mum would be all alone. one woman past her 50s, in a 3-4 bedroom house, all alone except for a nearly blind, 11yr old cat the size of a small-medium dog. i dont know about you, but i would be lonely.
so what is the problem? we have somewhere to live, and a built in babysitter if we want to go out. mum has company, a baby to play with, and someone else to do the cooking. why does everyone keep telling us how wrong it is to live here?
it is only in our modern western society, that living with the older generation is so frowned upon. children are expected to move out as soon as they are able to support themselves, adn when their parents are no longer able to live alone, WHOOSH! off to a nursing home! i admit freely that i would LOVE to be in a place of my own, just me, my husband, and my son, but finacially, this is not viable, and it would leave my mother all alone. once my husband and i start renting, we will be unable to save to buy our own place, and the income my husband earns currently, would allow us to buy a one bedroom apartment thats falling apart, and we might not be able to eat. wither that or move to woop woop and be so isolated from friends and family that i go insane, and hubby takes forever to get to and from work everyday. and what about my mother? my sisters rent doesnt run out till november. i couldt leave mum in this big house all alone till then.
she is planning on buying a new place for herslef anyway, and letting my family stay here and rent from her. maybe my sister wikll move in with her when her rent is up. but until this happens, whenever it may be, i see no problem with living with my mother, paying her rent, and lessening her household duties. and i dont understand why other people do.
Friday 27 July 2007
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Western society has seen a breakdown of the traditional family. Fewer marriages, rising divorces, 1 in 3 children born to single mothers... Stay-at-home mothers are negatively portrayed.
Many parents send off their children to childcare centres when they are as small as few weeks...and when they are older, the children send off their parents to nursing homes.
In some Asian or Indian cultures, it is the children's moral responsibility to take care of their elderly parents. Thus the children have a better relationship with their grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins...
which is exactly why i dont nderstand what the big problem is with my family living in my mothers house. especially since SHE LIKES IT. she loves having us here. she was devastated to learn i was pregnant when lived overseas.
sending babies to daycare.. i just can't fathom how anyone could do that. if we were in such dire financial straights that i now had to return to work and put my son in daycare, i would ahte it, but he is ol enough to recognise what's happening.
a newborn would be so confused. one mum during the day, adn another at night. an aquaintance recently told me of a 24hr chilcare centre he knew of where children where left for weeks at a time, without the parents giving any indication of when they would come back to collect them. its just wrong.
family is what holds us together.
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