losing weight

my throat has been so sore lately. partly is this horrible cold-thing we all have, partly its paint fumes. but its got me thinking a lot about all sorts of stuff.


when i was a teenager, i was bony. ive seen pictures. i cant believe i was worried that i was fat back then. then again, i was training for ballet, and most of the others were practically skeletal, so maybe its not such a shock that i thought i was fat. by the time i was 13 my hips were already too big to fit into a dress my mother made for herself in her 30s. and my legs build up muscle like anything. its a little scary. but honestly, compared to the 25 year old me, 15 year old me was a stick.

the easiest way to lose weight is to simply not eat. i did this once, when i was about 19. i lost 5kg (about 11lb) in a week. ONE WEEK. i could be down to my ideal weight in about a month. how great would that be?

but i wont.

when this happened to me before, it was because i was sick. i now think i might have had viral tonsillitis. (why do i think it was viral tonsillitis? well for one, the pain. for two, antibiotics didnt do a single thing. for three, when i was about 2 or 3, i had viral tonsillitis. i had a fever of 105 fahrenheit, and my parents put me in a bathtub full of ice to get the temperature down, because i was vomiting constantly, and 'cold' water from the tap where we lived was warm. i didnt have my tonsils out.) all i knew then was that my throat hurt. a lot. all the time. to the point that during that week all i ate was about 4 serves of macaroni and cheese. all week. and i drank maybe 2 litres of apple juice. all week. because everything hurt. if saliva built up in my mouth, i couldnt swallow it. i had to find a sink and spit it out. i was in constant pain. but i lost 5kg.

last year i started the CSIRO total wellbeing diet, because, quite frankly, i was fat. i had always been slim, until i moved to america. i stopped doing ballet 11+ hours a week at age 16, and i put on a bit of weight then, but it wasnt until i moved to america and started eating junk all the time that i got fat. then i got pregnant, and despite the fact that i could hardly eat anything (the only things that didnt make me want to throw up were chicken nuggets from mcdonalds, cheerios, and turkey/olive/swisscheese sandwiches on white bread. i forced myself to eat other foods, because that would have been a horribly unhealthy diet for myself and the baby, but i didnt eat an awful lot of anything), i gained SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much weight. i dont even know how much it was, but i lost 11kg during the week after my son was born. and he weighed less than 4kg. i think most of that extra weight was retained water, but i still had a lot of extra weight hanging around.

then last year, after coming back from a holiday in the states, i decided to do something about it. my sister was on the CSIRO diet, so i decided to give it a go. lost 15kg (about 33lb) in 3 months. and then it stopped. no matter what i did, i could not lose more weight. i ate less, i ate more, i exercised more, nothing worked. so i gave up. and luckily, i didnt put on any weight when i stopped.

then this april i lost a baby. and i have been on the edge of depression* ever since. and eating far too much sugar. chocolate helps with everything. i have gained 4kg in the last 4-5 months. i need to lose it. and more. my husband should probably lose some weight too. my son... well if he lost any weight he'd look like a skeleton. lucky thing.

so tomorrow im starting the CSIRO diet again. as best i can. im not going to cook separate food for me than for my family, so if they occasionally eat something made for me, or i eat something a bit 'bad', thats just how its going to be. but i lost weight before, and i can do it again.







*i know the difference between 'down' and 'depressed'. i was on medication for about 4 years. and for a year or so after my son was born. this is not quite to the medication needing stage, and most of the time, now, i'm fine. but there are some very bad days. im not just 'sad'. if i didnt already have a gorgeous child to look after, and a husband who loves me so much, and a God who takes my pain... i dont even like to think where i'd be right now.