Adressing the Skirt Issue

**Bible quotes taken from NIV unless stated otherwise**

I have a comment on the post about dressing the baby:

Anonymous said...

request lodged for clarification of reasoning: not wearing pants.

expressions of gratitude for same tendered.

Since I only know one person who talks like that, I know who posted it, but since she's chosen to remain anonymous, I'll not out her. I will give the clarification requested however.

The bible clearly tells us that we are to dress modestly:

1 Timothy 2(9-10)

9I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, 10but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

Lets have a look at modesty.

From Wikipedia:

Modesty is most often rendered as humility, shyness, or simplicity. The general principles of modesty include:

• Avoiding attracting attention to oneself by moderating one's actions or appearance;
• Downplaying one's accomplishments (see humility);
• Avoiding insincere self-abasement through false or sham modesty, which is a form of boasting.

and:

Standards of modesty usually discourage the non-essential exposure of the human body. This applies to the bare skin, hair and undergarments, and especially to intimate parts. The standards not only call for the covering of parts of the body, but also obscuring their shape, by means of suitable clothing. There are also standards covering the changing of clothes (such as on a beach), the closing or locking of the door when changing or taking a shower, etc..

For me, dressing modestly means keeping myself covered, to a certain degree. Not "showing off the goods" as it were.

• I aim to dress neatly, to look nice - not to have people (men especially) staring at me because my bust is about to fall out the top of my shirt, or the entire world can see what colour underwear I have on.
  
• I do not wear sleeveless tops, because I feel uncomfortable with everyone seeing my arms like that. I also rarely wear short-sleeved tops, reserving them for very hot days.
  
• If I feel the neckline on a top is too low, I wear a singlet underneath. Too low means my bra is showing, my cleavage is showing, or I would simply feel uncomfortable if someone was staring there (then again I would feel uncomfortable if someone was staring anywhere for extended periods of time, wondering what was wrong with me.. but you get the point). I have a few tops that fit this criteria, but are otherwise fine, so I just toss a singlet underneath.
  
• I avoid button-up shirts, because I cannot find any that fit me well. If they fit properly over the bust, the waist is far too big and I look frumpy. If they fit at the waist, the buttons pop over the bust and I look like a tart. Neither fits my aim of "neat and nice".
• I do wear fitted tops. Loose and baggy makes me look and feel frumpy, and does not fit in with "neat". Note there is a difference between "fitted" and "tight". If everyone can see whether my bra is embroidered or not, precisely where my belly button is, and all the flab from having 2 children, thats tight. If people can see where my waist is, and I do not look like I've lost weight but never bothered to buy smaller clothes, thats fitted.
• I do not wear pants. Every pair of pants I've ever tried on is too tight in the front and too loose in the back. There may be some out there that fit me properly, but I probably can't afford them. I've also never found a top that looks nice when standing, but is long enough to cover any waistband-falling-down in the back when sitting. Other people can pull of the long top look, I just look like an idiot. If that wasn't enough, baggy pants look stupid on me, and fitted ones just scream at the world to stare at my butt. Not want I want.
  
• Skirts are A-line. Not only does a tight skirt still scream at the world to stare at my butt, I just look plain stupid. Everyone can see what kind of underwear I have on, and the not-so-slimness of my legs, also I have broad hips and end up looking a very peculiar shape. An A-line skirt is flattering on almost everyone, can easily be dressed up or down depending on what you wear with it, and they seem to be in fashion at the moment, so they're easy enough to find.
  
• Skirts come to below the knee. The longer the skirt, the less chance of it blowing up and showing things you didn't want shown. The knee also provides a handy reference point. If you don't have a set length, its a lot easier to say "Well, I don't think thats as long as what I usually wear, but its probably OK," and before you know it, you're wearing a glorified belt.
• A slip is worn under un-lined skirts. I have a few skirts that are unlined. One is a nice chocolate linen, that just happens to let the light shine through. A skirt is not very modest if everyone can see everything through it when I walk past a light. I have another, thicker, skirt, that is unfortunately pale enough that everyone can see the colour of my underwear. A slip comes in handy here. A slip is also handy for very windy days. my slips are all tighter fitting that my skirts, and no matter how much my skirt blows up, the slip will not. I do not always wear a slip because of modesty however. I have a lovely, thick, dark brown corduroy skirt that certainly doesn't need a slip to be modest - but the seams make my legs itch.
  

Its not just about the clothes though. Remember, modesty is also "Avoiding attracting attention to oneself by moderating one's actions or appearance". To this end, I do not wear a lot of jewellery. I wear my wedding and engagement rings, a necklace my husband gave me when he proposed, and earrings to match my clothes. Occasionally, I wear a necklace to match the earrings. This is not because of the "gold or pearls" bit. I do not believe this instructions bars us from jewellery. I do believe that too much or too flashy jewellery can draw attention to us, undoing any modesty our clothes may display. If I'm wearing 17 gold chains and fluro-pink earrings the size of dinner plates, I am not dressed modestly, even if I'm wearing a burqa. (I also do not wear a lot of bright colours. This is not so much about modesty as it is about comfort. I do not feel comfortable, or look good, in bright colours. I look good in brown, so you'll find a lot of it in my wardrobe.)

Back to skirts. A lot of people reference Deuteronomy 22 (5) as a reason not to wear pants.

5 A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this.

I don't. For a start, there is too much difference between clothing in different cultures to simply say "Pants are boys clothes. Skirts are girls clothes." Fijian men wear a garment that is, to all intents and purposes, a skirt. (So do some Scots.) Even in european culture, trousers are a relatively recent innovation. Yes, in recent times, men have worn pants while women wear skirts, but prior to that, everyone wore dress-like garments. Can we therefor say women shouldn't wear dresses because men used to? Of course not. Its silly. Women now wear pants. Pants that are made specifically for women. They are women's clothing, like it or not. That doesn't make them modest, or feminine, but it does negate the "girls clothes/boys clothes" argument. Clothing is always changing, and I do not think "pants are boy's clothes" is a reasonable argument. "Pants reveal more of a woman's body-shape than is modest" however, is a reasonable argument, and its my reason.

Modest clothing for children

Mini-sprog (Spaceghost) is growing so fast (if my ever-so-accurate measurements with the Wii-fit and a tape-measure are anything to go by, she's at about the 97th% mark for height, and she's nearly grown out of her 3-6 month sleepers, which is quite a feat considering she's not yet 4 months old and has only been wearing them for 6 weeks), I'm on a constant search for clothes. Critter too, but until I learn to sew properly I've given up on finding pants that fit him correctly. He just has to make do with everything needing a belt, or being a little too short, or both. There's no lack of good, cheap stuff out there, and with 3 second-hand shops a mere 15min bus ride from my house, I'm able to keep her dresser well stocked. On Thursday for example, among other things I found 2 brand new (seriously, they still had the tags on and everything) t-shirts in the next size up, for $1 each. They will be perfect when the weather changes and things start getting warm again, as I'm sure she'll be well and truly into that size by then.

Being able to get so much good quality stuff so cheap, the cost of her wardrobe isn't really an issue. What is an issue, is modesty. At the moment, its not a problem. Its winter, its cold, most of the time when we're out she's either wrapped up or covered in her pram anyway. However, when spring rolls around, it will be a different story.

I stopped wearing pants about 18 months ago. In fact, a few weeks ago I commented on my facebook than I do not remember the last time I wore pants, other than PJs. I remember wearing pants in September 2007, when we were painting the Critter's room, but I don't remember if I've worn any since. For me, a skirt is the more modest choice. The shape is less revealing, and I don't have to worry about showing my underwear to the world every time I sit down. I have never found a pair of jeans that really fit right. They're always too tight in front, with a huge gape on my back - the waist is the right size, just not in the right spots. For Spaceghost, I'm not sure this is going to be the case, at least until she starts walking.

In her admittedly-short-so-far-life, Spaceghost has only had two skirts, and one dress. I would love to have her in skirts, and once she's walking, since I'm the one who does the shopping, I'm guessing skirts will make up most of her wardrobe (I'm not going to just ban pants outright, my husband would flip out, and I want it to be her choice, which will immediately be "pants" if I militantly never allow her to wear them), but at the moment, pants are more modest. The skirts and dress she has are adorable - pink and purple, with flowers or butterflies embroidered on them - but they hardly even cover her nappy (this is admittedly contributed to by the fact that she wears cloth nappies and they are by default thicker than disposables). Skirts for babies are all made super- short, for some unfathomable reason*.

As I said before, since its cold at the moment, this isn't really an issue. I just put a pair of thick tights or soft pants underneath, and she is both warm, and adorable. Its cold enough that she would be wearing tights under her skirts even if they were longer, but it gets quite warm here in spring and summer, and I'm not going to have her in those teeny little skirts with nothing underneath. I'm not even sure that learning to sew better would solve my problems. At this size, when they spend most of their time lying down, everything rides up (I can't even begin to count the number of times I had to pull her dress down in church on Sunday. She did look utterly adorable though) so a longer skirt wouldn't do its job for long anyway. Once she starts crawling, a longer skirt may be a hindrance, causing her to trip. Especially if she does the hands-and-feet thing Critter did, rather than the hands-and-knees babies generally seem to stick to.

I think, for the moment, if I'm to have any chance of keeping my girl dressed nicely, I'm going to have to stick to pants. The current fashion for toddlers-preschoolers does seem to be calf-length skirts, and I'm hoping it stays that way so I have a chance to get decent stuff for her when she gets bigger. Since I have absolutely no idea what size she'll be by then, I'm not going to buy bigger stuff now. I'll stick to pants in her current size,or one-up for growth, until skirts become a reasonable option, and then I'll go wild. In the meantime, I'm going to practice my sewing skillz, so my Spaceghost can wear clothes no-one else has, and look right good doing so.




*If the length of most of the baby-skirts I've seen were translated to skirts for biggerpersons, they would be only just past the length at which I cough **belt** when I see someone walking past in one - when you hope you don't see them sit down, because you have no desire to find out what colour underwear they have on, if any.

modest dress

today hubby and i went down to the shops. i still had $40 left from my birthday money, and i am getting really tired of wearing the same skirt day in day out, so i wanted to see if i could find a nice new one. for the record, i found a brown corduroy skirt i like in target, $24.88 reduced from like $40 or something, get to the checkout and it was all of $10.28. SCORE! so i still have $30 left. yay! maybe i'll buy a new CD since i didnt find any other clothes i like.....

ANYWAY.... so we were out at the shops, and a group of muslim women walked past, and one of them was dressed so... oddly i guess, that i got me really thinking about modesty. it wasnt an isolated event, either. i often see muslim women dressed like this, and it always strikes me as very odd.

now, a lot of muslim women say they dress the way they do, all covered up including hair, not because their men say they have to, but because it is their way of honouring God, by being modest. fair enough. but being 'all covered up' isnt necessarily modest. its the WAY you are covered up, as much as the fact that you are. which is why some of the women i see at the shops bother me so so much.

skintight jeans, 4 inch heels, a figure hugging top with push-up bra, and a ton of makeup and jewellery is not modest, just because no-one can see your hair, or any skin other than your hands and face. honestly, you might as well be wearing a mini-skirt and a tube top. i dressed up my sims to illustrate my point, and because ive been neglecting them a little lately. now, the 'muslim' sim there is all covered up, yes, but to me, the one in the blue shirt is dressed more modestly, even though she is showing more skin.

and now, in true kaeus form, ive just remembered something truly disturbing i saw on the weekend when we were doing our grocery shop in aldi. there was a girl about 14 or so, wearing a pink boob tube, just high enough to cover her bra in the front, and about an inch below it in back, with black knee length tight pants. bike shorts or leggings or something. 14. 14! i mean really... it was just... i couldnt believe it. again, sims illustrate the point. can you imagine? at about 10am at the supermarket? 14 years old???