- Spaceghost either sleeps for 8-9 hours at night, leaving me to wake up in pain with stiff nursing pads, or spends all night merely drowsing, and GRUNTING VERY LOUDLY, occasionally accompanied by very loud farts.
- She DOES NOT poo at night, so at about 7am I usually have to changer her nappy, and the cover, and her clothes, and the nappy she lies on (we use terry squares, and I keep one under her wherever she is because she is a very up-chucky little thing and its easier than changing her sheets 40 times a day)...
- She needs to burp at least twice each feed (midway through and after), or she just cries and cries because her tummy hurts.
- Critterbug wants to help. Which is sweet. But he keeps doing things I don't want him to do.. like shove soft toys in her face, or try to put her dummy in when she doesn't want it.
- I have far too much laundry to do.
- I need to finish making the bear.
- And the quilt.
- And the clothes.
- And the wraps.
- My cut is not healed yet. 7 weeks, and it's still scabby instead of scarred.
- The Very Old Cat has a thyroid problem... so now he has to have a pill twice a day, possibly for the rest of his life. Otherwise he will eventually die of: starvation, or heart failure, or liver problems. Luckily he is easily tricked by cheese (have you ever tried to force a 1m/3ft long cat to eat something it doesn't want to eat? not fun).
- All the little 0000 clothes are now too small. We've just done a clear out of Critter's old clothes, and I am NOT in a state to get rid of any of Spaceghost's clothes yet. They are going into a spacebag until I'm ready.
- Baby clothes are so CUTE!
- I am totally pre-occupied with baby things.
- I never thought I would be so drawn to pink frilly clothes.
- Not that I really have much choice. Have you tried buying baby girl clothes recently? PINK PINK PINK PINK PINK. And occasionally PURPLE.
Saturday, 28 March 2009
I'm not TRYING to be vague...
Saturday, 21 March 2009
She Needs Me
Spaceghost is 6 weeks old today. She started smiling (a bit) a few days ago, although she won't do it consistently, or when anyone other than me is around, so I'm beginning to wonder if I imagined it, and I'm sure other people are wondering too. She still sleeps fairly well, nice long stretches at night (though I prefer it when she wakes up at least once so my breasts aren't exploding), and is such an efficient feeder that she's only on for about 10min at a time. I've tried putting her back on for more, thinking she can't possibly be done, but she either pulls back crying when the milk hits her tummy - obviously full - or she just clamps her mouth shut and downright won't take any more thankyou-very-much.
I love her more than I could have ever imagined was possible before I had kids. The rush of amazement and joy and protectiveness that hit me when Critterbug was born, it hit all over again with Spaceghost when they pulled her from my belly and waved her at me over the sheet. Mum told me that when she was pregnant with my sister she was scared - how could she possibly love another child as much as she already loved her first (me)? I never had that fear. As soon as I knew I was pregnant, I loved her. As soon as I suspected I was pregnant with my lost dear one, I loved it.
She's so small that I doubt she loves us yet. She's affectionate, very snuggly, and despite the inconsistent smiles, she has a definite happy face that she makes at us. The most striking thing however is how much she needs me. Not just the obvious stuff - milk, clean nappies, bathing, helping her to sleep - she needs to be close to me, to know that I'm there.
After she feeds - whether we're lying in bed, or sitting on a chair - she pulls her head back, shuts her eyes tight, purses her lips, and raises her eyebrows. She arches her back, straightens her legs, and waves her arms, stretching. Then she throws her head forward and wiggles it around, until she's made my breast into a comfy pillow, and falls asleep on me. If I dare to move her, she whimpers.
I made the mistake of having a shower the other day. When I got out, she was screaming so hard I thought she must surely lose her voice. As soon as I put her on my shoulder, she started to calm down, and eventually she fell asleep. But she continued to whimper, her voice muffled because her face was buried in my neck, and her little hand was pawing and scratching at my arm, making sure I was still there. Every time I moved, she tightened her grip. In her sleep.
She might now love me yet, but she needs me, and thats a wonderful feeling.
I love her more than I could have ever imagined was possible before I had kids. The rush of amazement and joy and protectiveness that hit me when Critterbug was born, it hit all over again with Spaceghost when they pulled her from my belly and waved her at me over the sheet. Mum told me that when she was pregnant with my sister she was scared - how could she possibly love another child as much as she already loved her first (me)? I never had that fear. As soon as I knew I was pregnant, I loved her. As soon as I suspected I was pregnant with my lost dear one, I loved it.
She's so small that I doubt she loves us yet. She's affectionate, very snuggly, and despite the inconsistent smiles, she has a definite happy face that she makes at us. The most striking thing however is how much she needs me. Not just the obvious stuff - milk, clean nappies, bathing, helping her to sleep - she needs to be close to me, to know that I'm there.
After she feeds - whether we're lying in bed, or sitting on a chair - she pulls her head back, shuts her eyes tight, purses her lips, and raises her eyebrows. She arches her back, straightens her legs, and waves her arms, stretching. Then she throws her head forward and wiggles it around, until she's made my breast into a comfy pillow, and falls asleep on me. If I dare to move her, she whimpers.
I made the mistake of having a shower the other day. When I got out, she was screaming so hard I thought she must surely lose her voice. As soon as I put her on my shoulder, she started to calm down, and eventually she fell asleep. But she continued to whimper, her voice muffled because her face was buried in my neck, and her little hand was pawing and scratching at my arm, making sure I was still there. Every time I moved, she tightened her grip. In her sleep.
She might now love me yet, but she needs me, and thats a wonderful feeling.
Saturday, 7 March 2009
We are all individuals!!!
Spaceghost is 4 weeks old today. Due to being born in February, this means she is also one month old today. I know there is still a vast opportunity for change, but so far, she has been incredibly easier than Critterbug was.
For one, she actually feeds. Bra down, baby on, 25 minutes later she pulls off. Critterbug did not. Bra down, baby on, baby off, screaming, baby on, baby off, more screaming and flailing of arms and legs, baby on, choking, baby off, screaming, baby to daddy, formula out, baby drinks formula, mummy pumps milk while crying. Lather rinse repeat in 2-3 hours, replacing formula with expressed milk.
For another, she sleeps. Anywhere. Bed, car, pillow, floor, pram, someone's arms, bath... Critterbug would sleep in someones arms, but would awaken screaming the second he touched his bed. For months he slept in his pram, because it was the only thing that worked. Put him in the pram, walk him up and down the street for an hour or so, and leave him in the pram once he fell asleep. Spaceghost, on the other hand, will even put herself to sleep if she is put in her cradle after being changed and fed. I AM AMAZED.
Isn't it funny how we expect them to be the same? We recognise as adults that we are all individuals (I'm not!). Even as children, we recognise ourselves as our own separate people. I for one HATED being dressed in the same clothes as my little sister. We weren't even twins, and my mother dressed us the same. I hated it. Yet for some reason people often seem to expect subsequent babies to be the same as the first, just like I expected Spaceghost to be the same as Critter.
And I'm really not sure why, since even the pregnancies were vastly different. With the Critter, I had morning sickness till the day he was born (admittedly not as bad after the first 3 months, but decidedly still there - just nausea instead of run to the nearest container), and the nausea even lingered for some months after he was born. I didn't dare let myself feel hungry, because hunger would turn to nausea in a few minutes. With Spaceghost I think I was only actually sick three times. Critterbug demanded I eat nothing but cheerios and macca's chicken nuggets, Spaceghost couldn't abide sugar. Pre-eclampsia with my boy, perfectly normal with my girl. 4 hour labour ending in hemorrhage the first time, baby in distress leading to emergency c-section this time.
The fact that one is a boy and one a girl should stop me from treating Spaceghost as a little clone of the Critter, just in case the incredibly obvious personality differences weren't enough. I only hope if I am ever blessed with another (looking incredibly unlikely at the moment) I won't fall into the clone trap.
For one, she actually feeds. Bra down, baby on, 25 minutes later she pulls off. Critterbug did not. Bra down, baby on, baby off, screaming, baby on, baby off, more screaming and flailing of arms and legs, baby on, choking, baby off, screaming, baby to daddy, formula out, baby drinks formula, mummy pumps milk while crying. Lather rinse repeat in 2-3 hours, replacing formula with expressed milk.
For another, she sleeps. Anywhere. Bed, car, pillow, floor, pram, someone's arms, bath... Critterbug would sleep in someones arms, but would awaken screaming the second he touched his bed. For months he slept in his pram, because it was the only thing that worked. Put him in the pram, walk him up and down the street for an hour or so, and leave him in the pram once he fell asleep. Spaceghost, on the other hand, will even put herself to sleep if she is put in her cradle after being changed and fed. I AM AMAZED.
Isn't it funny how we expect them to be the same? We recognise as adults that we are all individuals (I'm not!). Even as children, we recognise ourselves as our own separate people. I for one HATED being dressed in the same clothes as my little sister. We weren't even twins, and my mother dressed us the same. I hated it. Yet for some reason people often seem to expect subsequent babies to be the same as the first, just like I expected Spaceghost to be the same as Critter.
And I'm really not sure why, since even the pregnancies were vastly different. With the Critter, I had morning sickness till the day he was born (admittedly not as bad after the first 3 months, but decidedly still there - just nausea instead of run to the nearest container), and the nausea even lingered for some months after he was born. I didn't dare let myself feel hungry, because hunger would turn to nausea in a few minutes. With Spaceghost I think I was only actually sick three times. Critterbug demanded I eat nothing but cheerios and macca's chicken nuggets, Spaceghost couldn't abide sugar. Pre-eclampsia with my boy, perfectly normal with my girl. 4 hour labour ending in hemorrhage the first time, baby in distress leading to emergency c-section this time.
The fact that one is a boy and one a girl should stop me from treating Spaceghost as a little clone of the Critter, just in case the incredibly obvious personality differences weren't enough. I only hope if I am ever blessed with another (looking incredibly unlikely at the moment) I won't fall into the clone trap.
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Because I'm having trouble thinking
A friend tagged me on facebook. This is supposed to test how much you remember about your firstborn.
1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? no.... very much no.
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? not when we got pregnant.. he proposed the night we found out, and we got married when we were 6 months along
3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? tears. swearing. fear.
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? absolutely not.
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 21. i turned 22 a month before he was born
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? i peed on a stick. isnt that the usual way? ok ok.. i'd been feeling ill for a couple weeks, but since i had a cough, i assumed i was sick. then i realised i was late, and we freaked out. thats when the stick came into play.
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? boyfriend (now husband).
9. DUE DATE? sep. 18 2004. or possibly sep 28 2004. they couldnt make up their minds.
10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? you mean the part where i had to leap out of bed over my fiance in the middle of the night to make it to the bathroom to avoid vomiting all over the bed? yes. i had that.
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? mcdonalds chicken nuggets. at one point they were all i could keep down.
12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? i really dont know..
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? beautiful little boy.
14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? no, but i THOUGHT i was probably going to get a girl. boys seem to be a bit uncommon in my family.
15. HOW MANY KILOS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? 25kg (55lb)
16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? nooooooooo
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? gender? surprise.
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? pre-eclampsia.
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? royal prince alfred
20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 4. he came fast.
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? hubby. went in for an appointment, and they decided to keep me and induce me.
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? hubby, and a couple midwives. the only doctors i saw were one who stitched me up, and one who put in a canula.
23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? natural.
24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? i had 2 panadeine - i believe in the states this is called tylenol3? paracetamol (acetaminophen - tylenol) and codeine. and i didnt get it until i was pushing. they forgot to give it to me.
25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 3.795kg (8lb 6oz)
26. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? 29th sep 2004
27. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? critterbug. duh.
28. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY? 4yrs, 4months, 26days
1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? no.... very much no.
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? not when we got pregnant.. he proposed the night we found out, and we got married when we were 6 months along
3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? tears. swearing. fear.
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? absolutely not.
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 21. i turned 22 a month before he was born
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? i peed on a stick. isnt that the usual way? ok ok.. i'd been feeling ill for a couple weeks, but since i had a cough, i assumed i was sick. then i realised i was late, and we freaked out. thats when the stick came into play.
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? boyfriend (now husband).
9. DUE DATE? sep. 18 2004. or possibly sep 28 2004. they couldnt make up their minds.
10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? you mean the part where i had to leap out of bed over my fiance in the middle of the night to make it to the bathroom to avoid vomiting all over the bed? yes. i had that.
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? mcdonalds chicken nuggets. at one point they were all i could keep down.
12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? i really dont know..
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? beautiful little boy.
14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? no, but i THOUGHT i was probably going to get a girl. boys seem to be a bit uncommon in my family.
15. HOW MANY KILOS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? 25kg (55lb)
16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? nooooooooo
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? gender? surprise.
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? pre-eclampsia.
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? royal prince alfred
20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 4. he came fast.
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? hubby. went in for an appointment, and they decided to keep me and induce me.
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? hubby, and a couple midwives. the only doctors i saw were one who stitched me up, and one who put in a canula.
23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? natural.
24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? i had 2 panadeine - i believe in the states this is called tylenol3? paracetamol (acetaminophen - tylenol) and codeine. and i didnt get it until i was pushing. they forgot to give it to me.
25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 3.795kg (8lb 6oz)
26. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? 29th sep 2004
27. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? critterbug. duh.
28. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY? 4yrs, 4months, 26days
Saturday, 21 February 2009
What a difference a day makes..
Today, my daughter is 2 weeks old.
Today, my daughter held up her head and looked around the room for a good few minutes without flopping hillariously.
Today, I managed to step into the bathtub without needing to use my hands to lift my legs, or leaning my entire weight on the bathroom sink.
None of these were true yesterday.
What a difference a day makes.
Today, my daughter held up her head and looked around the room for a good few minutes without flopping hillariously.
Today, I managed to step into the bathtub without needing to use my hands to lift my legs, or leaning my entire weight on the bathroom sink.
None of these were true yesterday.
What a difference a day makes.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Five years ago today...
... my life ended. Sounds dramatic, I know, but it really did.
I was 21, twelve-thousand km (seven-thousand+ miles) from home, had very little family nearby (none of it immediate family), was unmarried, and had just found out I was pregnant. I was totally in love with my boyfriend, but terrified he was going to take one look at that evil little stick and run away. My life was over. I cried so hard it hurt.
Life started again within minutes. Boyfriend didn't want to run. He still loved me, wanted to keep the baby, and proposed on the spot. I kept on crying, but it was happier tears now.
But it was a different life.
My old life really did end. The life of Young-Sarah. No major responsibilities, always enough money, time to have fun. A carefree life, and one that matched my friends'. We weren't living in the same country, but anytime I went 'home' I would fit right in, we would have things in common. We could go out and do silly things. Stay out in the city till five AM and catch a cab home. Spend all day on the beach and eat whatever we wanted for dinner. And boyfriend and I could do whatever we wanted. We could stay up all night playing video games. Spontaneously decide to go to a museum 3 hours away from home. Drive to Vegas for the weekend with no prior planning. Go to the movies every night for a week. Not any more.
I think I like my new life better. Filled with cuddles and the smell of new baby, tiny clothes on the clothesline, and terry towel nappies scattered through the house. Brightly coloured toys that make far too much noise, and long nights in bed with a small body snuggled against me. A 'big boy' intent on teaching his sister to play soccer, and tiny hands eager to help with anything sister-related. Prayers to look after 'the baby', even though she now has a name, and a four year old's arms anxiously waiting to hold her.
My life ended February 16th 2004, and I've never been gladder.
I was 21, twelve-thousand km (seven-thousand+ miles) from home, had very little family nearby (none of it immediate family), was unmarried, and had just found out I was pregnant. I was totally in love with my boyfriend, but terrified he was going to take one look at that evil little stick and run away. My life was over. I cried so hard it hurt.
Life started again within minutes. Boyfriend didn't want to run. He still loved me, wanted to keep the baby, and proposed on the spot. I kept on crying, but it was happier tears now.
But it was a different life.
My old life really did end. The life of Young-Sarah. No major responsibilities, always enough money, time to have fun. A carefree life, and one that matched my friends'. We weren't living in the same country, but anytime I went 'home' I would fit right in, we would have things in common. We could go out and do silly things. Stay out in the city till five AM and catch a cab home. Spend all day on the beach and eat whatever we wanted for dinner. And boyfriend and I could do whatever we wanted. We could stay up all night playing video games. Spontaneously decide to go to a museum 3 hours away from home. Drive to Vegas for the weekend with no prior planning. Go to the movies every night for a week. Not any more.
I think I like my new life better. Filled with cuddles and the smell of new baby, tiny clothes on the clothesline, and terry towel nappies scattered through the house. Brightly coloured toys that make far too much noise, and long nights in bed with a small body snuggled against me. A 'big boy' intent on teaching his sister to play soccer, and tiny hands eager to help with anything sister-related. Prayers to look after 'the baby', even though she now has a name, and a four year old's arms anxiously waiting to hold her.
My life ended February 16th 2004, and I've never been gladder.
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Meet Spaceghost
Erin Jacqueline
3.52kg (7lb 12oz, I think) 51 cm (20 inches)
Born Saturday feb. 7th, 6:41pm (I think) via emergency c-section, after her heart-rate dropped to 70bpm.
Now home and sleeping wonderfully, but I wish she would feed a little more, as I have far too much milk and it's a bit painful.
Her brother is excited, and nervous, and doesn't really know how to cope, but he's trying.
Daddy is wonderful.
We are all happy.
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