im considering going into hiding for a little while.
complete hiding. my husband should be home from work in a half hour or so (possibly. he may ahve to work later. who knows?) and im so very very tempted to 'go sit outside' for a bit when he gets here, and just sneak round the side of the house and walk away.
aiden is not being very good today. he keeps playing in the ONE patch of dirt that the cat uses as a toilet, even after being told (do you want to play with the cat poo? no? then stay out of the dirt). he's made a mess of the bathroom trying to clean off one of his toys that got dirty (yay for trying to clean it, not so yay for hiding it all from me, and LYING about how it got dirty - playing in the cat's toilet), he wont leave the cat alone, he wont sit still and eat - keeps sliding off his chair onto the floor and flopping from side to side - and upon being told "aiden lee. for the last time, sit still and eat or i will take your food away" he responded with this: "you dont tell me what to do mum. i can do this." which earned him a right wolloping (more than he would otherwise have got because he screamed at me, tried to hit me, and wouldnt move his hands away) and he is now locked in his bedroom. im going to check on him in a few minutes and make him go to the toilet so i dont have to deal with a wet floor and clothes on top of everything else.
im beginning to wonder why i ever wanted another one. and i dont know if everything seems extra bad today because i didnt sleep last night, because the kid is not well (yay months and months of snuffles that are turning into a chesty cough), or becasue depression has decided to kick in early. all i know at this point is i do not want to be here.
i do not want to be ordered around by a 4 year old. i do not want to have to yell 15 million times to get him to take less than an hour to eat one piece of toast. i do not want to be pregnant. i do not want to be in this house. i do not want to be with my husband.
i want to be alone, a long long way away where i do not have to deal with any of this and nobody cares what i do.
Saturday, 25 October 2008
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Oh sweetie...
I'm sorry you had (are having?) such a horrible day. I've been there, done that, am still doing it. I know what it's like to battle disrespecting kids. J's a master at this - his behaviour often warrants a light tap on the katoosh EXCEPT he's now getting to the age (10 in a couple of weeks) where a small smack is inappropriate, sigh.
I had a really dark period of time during his kindy year and first year of primary school - he was 4-5 but I also had a 2.5-3.5 year old and a 1-2 year old during that same time. DH was working a new job, and on a cruddy roster (you know the details of that). Looking back, I think I was probably a little way into a deep funk. I was never diagnosed, never saw a doctor or anything. It was just FREAKIN' HARD all the darn time. J was in fine form back then, just starting to get to 'functional speech' level, still having regular tantrums in public and at home. It took me a really long time to get to the level of acceptance with his behaviour - and he eventually did improve. These days, we're probably on track to hit Hormone Hell in a year or two with him (shoot me now). This raises all sorts of problems with an ASD kid.
Anyhow, I just wanted to give you a cyber-hug, let you know you're not a horrible mum or anything for feeling the way you do, and if you want an ear, you know where to find me :)
Happier vibes your way...
Cheers,
Lizzie
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